The Nora Theory

So, I think we can all agree that there is a certain subset of men that are simply the worst, a great deal of the time. The audacity of the mediocre man is something to be studied. At a time when women are losing rights to their bodily autonomy, beauty standards are trending back to the restrictive days of the early aughts, and sexual assaults continue to be disturbingly commonplace, we have a right to be angry. We have a right to be scared. If you are feeling any of those things, I have a list of movies you can watch when men, and the system (*cough cough* cage) they have built for us, are simply the goddamn worst.

A note on streaming: due to the never ending chaos of the streaming wars, some of these titles may have changed services since publication.

Practical Magic

It should be no surprise to regular readers of The Nora Theory that this is one of my favorite movies of all time. It has witches, an asshole buried in the garden, and a touch of romance. At its core, though, this movie is about the power of sisterhood.

Sally and Gillian Owens went to live with their aunts after their parents died from the family curse, where they were raised in the way of the witches. The town hated them, and thought they were different and dangerous. Then, all grown up, they have to reckon with Gillian’s abusive boyfriend and the family curse using the magic their aunts taught them. Every part of this movie is about women supporting each other in the face of men and the society that men built, all the way until our beautiful cathartic end.

In writing this article, I discovered this movie has a 26% on Rotten Tomatoes, and not only am I personally offended, but I suspect this might be evidence of the influence of the patriarchy I am currently railing against. (kidding. maybe?)

Watch On: HBO Max

Promising Young Woman

Alright, fair warning, this is not a comfort movie. This is a movie to watch when you’re well and truly pissed, and want to sit in that rage and fuel it. Promising Young Woman is violent, messy, and heartbreaking. Much like being a woman in a patriarchal society.

Cassie Thomas works in a coffee shop during the day, but at night she goes out to bars where she pretends to be drunk and seeks vengeance on those who try to take advantage of her. She seeks vengeance after the rape of her best friend, Nina, which subsequently led to Nina’s suicide after her rapist was acquitted. When Cassie finds out the acquitted rapist is soon to be married, she goes on a rampage against everyone who was involved with Nina’s case, culminating with the rapist’s bachelor party, where Cassie poses as a stripper to get the ultimate revenge for Nina.

If you’re starting to pick up a theme about the importance of female solidarity and women sticking together, you would be right. While Promising Young Woman is a deeply tragic story, it’s also cathartic. As a survivor of sexual assault, I cried while watching this movie for obvious reasons. It made me furious, but it also made me feel seen.

Watch On: Amazon Prime Video

MOXiE

Moxie is a tale of modern girlhood, a coming-of-age story for a generation of young women that is deeply sick of the patriarchy and reckoning with a system that has never served them. It’s inspiring in so many ways, even for someone like me who has mercifully been out of high school for a long while.

Vivian Carter is a certified good girl. She gets good grades, keeps her head down, and doesn’t rock the boat. But when Lucy, the new girl at their school, calls out their English teacher on the way he favors literature by old white men in the curriculum, and fights shitty behavior from Mitchell, the most popular jock in school, Lucy gets Vivian thinking about what she’s been taught by society to ignore.

Later the boys of the school release a list, Vivian is deemed the most obedient, whereas her classmate Lucy is called the biggest cunt. It inspires Vivian to rally the girls of their school and start an anonymous magazine called Moxie to speak out against the blatant injustices on their campus. Directed by Amy Poehler, this movie is a moving story of girl power and female friendship that will make you want to stand up and say something.

Watch On: Netflix

The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo

Okay so this is a movie directed by a man based on a book written by a man, but hear me out. It’s about a journalist, Mikael Blomqvist, disgraced after losing a court case over a supposedly libelous piece he wrote in an attempt to expose an unscrupulous businessman. The case brings him to the attention of a wealthy, aging newspaper magnate who is desperate to solve the mystery of what happened to his favorite niece many years before.

Blomqvist agrees to help, and recruits the help of an incredibly skilled hacker, Lisbeth Salander, to help him unravel the case. Now Lisbeth is where the feminine power really comes in. She is under a conservatorship thanks to her traumatic childhood, and she’s just been put under a new guardian. This guardian takes advantage of her financial dependence on him and horrifically rapes her. Lisbeth gets revenge, in one of the most violent, brutal, and perfect ways ever depicted in my personal opinion.

As Lisbeth and Blomqvist get closer to cracking the case, they discover all kinds of buried secrets in this wealthy family and fight for justice for abuse victims they find along the way. Oh yeah, and in the end, Lisbeth is the one who saves the day. This story, whether the book or the movie, always makes me feel empowered. It’s a detective story, yes, but it’s also a cathartic story about the fundamental injustice of patriarchy and fighting for victims of abuse.

Watch On: Paramount+

The Substance

While most of the other movies on this list involve some kind of cathartic revenge or a show of female solidarity, feminine pursuits of the highest order, The Substance is a little bit different. Instead, this body horror film shines a brutal light on the impossible beauty standards foisted on women in our society, and the often horrific lengths women will go to achieve them.

Elisabeth Sparkle, a famous celebrity and host of a long-running aerobics TV show, just got fired by her producer for being too old. Distraught, she turns to a black market drug called The Substance that promises a younger, more beautiful version of herself. She takes the drug, and her body splits in two. For seven days she is herself, and then for seven days, she is “Sue”, the younger, more beautiful version. The catch is that they have to exchange every seven days, with no exceptions. When Sue gets Elisabeth’s old job, she gets swept away in the fame, with disastrous results.

There is no horror quite like what women will do to themselves in the name of beauty, and it’s all there in The Substance. This movie will make you uncomfortable. It will make you think. Above all, it will make you angry about all the things we do to ourselves just to be accepted by the patriarchy.

Watch On: Amazon Prime

So, Happy 4th of July, I guess.

I won’t be celebrating this year because this country is a dumpster fire. In addition to the widespread and brutal misogyny that this piece attempts to humorously combat, we’re funding genocide, sending people to horrific foreign concentration camps, terrorizing the LGBTQIA+ community, and all around being heinous racists. If you are in the U.S., call your congresspeople. Speak out, protest, and resist if it is safe for you to do so. Watch one of these movies, make yourself feel a little better (or a little angrier), and then fight back.