The Nora Theory

Comfort TV is essential self-care, and among the best comfort TV out there are old seasons of The Real Housewives. There is something so soothing about watching wealthy women scream at each other over their problems. It takes you out of whatever you’re going through and into the land of tacky houses, expensive jewelry, and epic girl fights. If you’re having a bad day, here are the best seasons from each Real Housewives franchise to rewatch.

The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills

Old seasons of Beverly Hills are probably my all-time most rewatched Housewives seasons. There is just so much to love about these ladies back in the day.

Season 2 brought us a whole mess with Taylor Armstrong, the first housewife to openly discuss her domestic abuse on camera. Kim Richards was going through it, causing newbie Brandi Glanville to accuse her of doing crystal meth in the bathroom. Kim and Kyle responded with the iconic finger-pointing “slut pig” moment, and a friend-of bragged about her $25,000 dollar sunglasses. This season vacillated wildly between serious, actual problems and the pettiest nonsense which is what makes it a near-perfect season of reality TV.

Arguably even better than season 2 is season 5, with new cast members Eileen Davidson and Lisa Rinna joining the party. The ladies of Beverly Hills journey to Amsterdam, where they promptly make a scene in a restaurant in what would become one of the most iconic fights in Housewives history. Kim calls Lisa a beast, and Lisa smashes a glass when Kim insinuates that she knows a secret about Lisa’s husband while the rest of the women look on in horror. Let’s not forget about poker night at Eileen’s where Kyle and Brandi scream at each other in her driveway, while her husband looks on through the garage window. This season is truly a wild ride and worth rewatching again and again.

The Real Housewives of New York

While the final seasons of the old Real Housewives of New York were an unmitigated trainwreck, the early years were something truly special.

Season 3 was the year of the Scary Island trip, an excellent reminder that sometimes we all just need to go to sleep. When you’re having a terrible day, what better is there to do than watch the origins of Turtle Time, Jill crashing the trip, and of course, Kelly losing her absolute marbles? The collapse of Bethenny and Jill’s friendship was the focal point of the season, but the vacation episodes are what really put it into the stratosphere when it comes to rewatchable reality TV.

While Scary Island was nuts, nothing quite reached the level of insanity of the things that went down in seasons 5 and 6. There’s almost too much to summarize, almost all of it centering around the truly batshit Aviva Drescher. She was neurotic, unreasonable, and threw her damn artifical leg over the table. Then there was the pirate in St. Barths and the Harry Dubin of it all. I will never understand how that man got so many Housewives falling all over him. If you need a distraction, there is no run better.

Honorable Mention: the majority of season 8 of The Real Housewives of New York was just ok, but of course, it’s about Tom. The cheating scandal between Luann and her fiancé was just too juicy to forget about. While it may not be the best season of all time, it’s still damn good television.

The Real Housewives of Atlanta

Season 3 of The Real Housewives of Atlanta was the introduction of Phaedra Parks, and everything about it was iconic. From her “boughetto” baby shower to her mysterious due date and her pickle props in her maternity shoot, there is so much here that will make you smile even on a god-awful day. There was also Kim Zolciak’s brief foray into the lady pond and her first meeting with future (ex?) husband Kroy Biermann. Between all that and the crazy bus fights, not to mention Cynthia Bailey and Peter Thomas’ disastrous wedding, this season will distract you from whatever is getting you down.

If you are a fan of reunion episodes, the season 6 reunion of Atlanta is one for the books. Kenya Moore showed up to the reunion with a scepter and a megaphone, and antagonized Porsha Williams with said props until she snapped and started a whole hair-pulling fight. The season as a whole was filled with Housewives classics like fights about being late, fights about how used to sleep with whose husband, and Kenya’s potentially fake man. Season 6 also brought us the beginning of Phaedra’s husband’s legal dramas.

Honorable Mention: Season 13. Most of this season, and the season before it, were a complete bust, but season 13 was saved by a mystery involving a very well-endowed male stripper. The whole thing was absolutely hilarious, and entertaining enough to earn a mention here.

The Real Housewives of Salt Lake City

There has never been a more chaotic sprinter van ride than the one that took place in season 2 of The Real Housewives of Salt Lake City. While the ladies were getting ready to vacation in Vail, they were piled into a sprinter van waiting in the parking lot for the final cast member to arrive. Instead, they got a frantic phone call from Jen Shah saying that she couldn’t make it. Shortly after, the feds swarmed the sprinter van looking to arrest Jen for a litany of charges. The incident immediately rocketed these housewives to the Bravo hall of fame, and it’s one of the craziest TV moments of the 2020’s so far.

The most recent season of Salt Lake City brought on a new cast member, Monica Garcia. She was the center of the drama for most of the season, but in a shocking finale, it got to a whole new level when it was revealed that she was one of the masterminds behind an Instagram account called Reality Von Tease that was dedicated to trolling the rest of the cast. This reveal was very high stakes for the women involved, but for viewers at home invokes the kind of messy feel of Gossip Girl, which makes it the perfect comfort viewing to escape into mess that isn’t your own.

The Real Housewives of Potomac

If you are in need of a stranger to hate, may I recommend one Michael Darby, husband of Ashley Darby in Season 4 of The Real Housewives of Potomac. During this season, Michael was overheard saying that he would like to suck Juan Dixon’s dick, and it only went downhill from there. He was then accused of groping a cameraman and as well as several producers. His creepy indiscretions were witnessed by several other members of the cast, and one incident was caught on tape. The cameraman sued him for sexual assault. Naturally, this was a whole thing and a major talking point of the season as Ashley tried desperately, and largely failed, to convincingly defend her man.

There was also the iconic fight at the hoedown between Candiace and Monique, with the highly memed “Drag me, Monique” moment, and Candiace’s wedding, as well as her butter knife wielding fight with Ashley. The ladies of Potomac always bring the drama, but this season in particular is the height of their perfection on reality TV.

The Rest of The Real Housewives

Cards on the table, I never rewatch The Real Housewives of New Jersey or Dallas, not that there aren’t great iconic moments in these franchises, they just are not my particular cup of tea.