I have heard so many women joke that their husbands are always making fun of their “fairy porn” when said husbands discover that their wives have been reading A Court of Thorns and Roses or Fourth Wing. This isn’t necessarily unreasonable given the content of these books, although the definition of porn has always been hotly debated. Are romance novels porn? I don’t think so.
Porn, especially video porn, is traditionally designed for the male gaze. Romance novels are written, largely, by women for women. It is an empowering display of female sexuality as well as a way for women to ethically consume arousing content without all the moral qualms that traditional porn provides.
Not all romance novels are pure smut, but most of them have some element of smut contained within them. However, even in the most spicy of romance novels, the ones that deal with dubious consent or consensual non-consent, you know that no actual person was harmed in the making of this content, and the main character is always into it. Which just can’t be said for mainstream porn.
That said, lots of romance novels have characters who experience abuse of various kinds. Things are not always happy and shiny, which is how so many people relate to them so much, but there is justice for victims always. It is rarely a simple salacious plot device. Instead, it’s usually a cathartic experience for the character and the reader when justice is finally served, and not for male enjoyment like is often found in porn or in just regular entertainment.
An argument could be made that these books set unrealistic expectations for men in the same way that modern video porn sets unrealistic expectations for women.
Can every man be packing nine inches of velvet-wrapped steel? No. Many of these heroines, if the behavior they engaged in was true to life, would be rocking a UTI so fierce it would land them straight in the emergency room. Can every guy have a billion dollars? No, but that money is usually a device to make the plot work, and the heroine never really cares about the money anyway.
The rest is just about basic respect and the ability to provide consistent orgasms so before you complain, men, you may want to think very carefully about why you are complaining.
Another key difference is that romance novels have a plot, some more in-depth than others, but it’s always there in some capacity. These characters are getting laid, but they’re also climbing mountains and fighting enemies, conquering fears, and overcoming demons, sometimes literally.
A Court of Silver Flames is not one of my all-time favorite books because of the “grab the headboard” scene, although I’d be lying if I said it wasn’t a factor. It’s mostly because of the love Cassian and Nesta have for each other, the way they overcome trauma together, the incredible battles they fight, and the backdrop where it all takes place, the city of Velaris.
Romance novels always end with a happily ever after. No matter how filthy they get, there’s always an end where the characters end up together and happy and in love, whatever that looks like for them.
Before you dismiss romance novels or laugh off romantasies as fairy porn, I implore you to consider these key differences. Whatever you call it, though, you can pry my romance novels from my cold dead hands.
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