No one has actually ever asked me this question, maybe because anyone who has ever met my fiancé knows he cares about like three things. Me, our dogs, and 49ers football. Not necessarily in that order. Insecurity over what I’m reading doesn’t seem to factor for him. But the question came up on The Viall Files podcast on a recent ‘Ask Nick’ segment, and it’s worth discussing. Especially because I think Nick Viall was far too charitable in his response and advice.
I listen to The Viall Files on occasion, usually while I’m walking my dogs, and the other day a woman wrote in with an interesting problem seeking Nick’s advice. This woman is reading Iron Flame by Rebecca Yarros, and like everyone else on the planet, has a crush on Xaden Riorson. Her husband takes issue with this. He’s jealous.
Let me be quite clear, in case there is any confusion. Xaden is fictional. This man does not exist in the real world. And even if he did, he loves Violet. Not a thing in this situation to be pressed about in an actual real-world relationship.
I acknowledge that every couple is different in what they regard as over-the-line. But this is just silly. Nick’s advice to this woman was to make sure her husband feels desired, and not to make him feel stupid for this jealousy and insecurity. Which is reasonable advice, if he was jealous of a coworker or a guy at a bar. But this is stupid.
My dude, she cannot leave you for Xaden Riorson. Maybe she would if she could, as this man sounds like a soggy sack of flour, but that is a literal impossibility.
I read hundreds of romance novels every year. Each with dreamy heroes, saying sexy things. I have crushes on some of them. This is not cheating because they are not real, and my soon-to-be-husband is a romance novel main character in his own right.
If you are treating your partner properly, you should have no reason for concern. My partner, if he gives it any thought at all, seems to find my erotic reading habits entertaining. This insecurity surrounding fictional characters feels like a short hop, skip, and jump to Mike Pence’s inability to have lunch with a woman without his wife present. It’s needlessly restrictive and controlling.
Maybe this comes from equating romance novels to porn, which many couples have an issue within their relationships. My answer to this would be well, if he’s allowed to watch porn (and probably crush on some of the characters in that, let’s be real) then there should be no problem with what someone is reading. And even porn actors are real people, whereas book characters are figments of the imagination.
It seems to me that most well-adjusted partners of smut readers are happy to let their people seek inspiration from the pages of a book and reap the benefits. It’s worth considering that if your partner is deeply insecure about what you’re reading, there might be a deeper issue to explore there.
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