The Valley, Bravo’s long awaited, much talked about spin-off to Vanderpump Rules, finally hit screens in mid-March. The show features a cast made up of Vanderpump Rules alums Jax Taylor and his wife Brittany, and everyone’s favorite lunatic Kristen Doute, as well as seven other new-ish faces connected to the familiar three in some way. This show focuses on these couples as they move on from their hard-partying WeHo days into a new phase of life surrounding marriages and kids in the Valley.
Initially, some viewers, including myself, were understandably skeptical about whether this show was just former cast members desperate bid to cling to fame. It most certainly is exactly that. It’s also really fucking good, so who cares.
The drama with Jax and Brittany and their recently announced separation piqued my interest, even though that’s very possibly what it was intended to do. Whether it’s a PR stunt or not, I wanted to check in with these two and see what all the fuss was about. Let me tell you, after watching the first couple episodes, I don’t think this is a PR stunt and I pray to all that is holy that she doesn’t take him back. Jax is great reality TV material, but he is the exact same man that left our screens four years ago. Immature, rude, and just a garbage husband.
I also wanted to see where notorious wild card Kristen Doute is up to these days, and I was not disappointed. Not to spoil anything, but Doute is still Doute. Oh how I would love to spend an hour in this girl’s head to see how she makes her life choices. What an enlightening journey that would be. Cuckoo for Cocoa Puffs as she may be, I love having Kristen back on my TV again, and she is a perfect addition to this cast of characters.
Some highlights from the first episode include Jax trying to explain what his job is (Cameo, modeling, podcasts, fatherhood. In that order), Jax describing his relationship with Kristen as a brother/sister relationship (and the world gagged. We all remember what you did watching Drive eleven years ago), and Kristen trying to have a baby with her new boyfriend (who’s life is 99% in Colorado. It’s fine.)
While Kristen, Jax, and Brittany are undeniably the stars of the show thus far, the rest of the cast is still delivering. Some dude from iCarly who’s face I vaguely recognize, Daniel, and his wife Nia, seem to be the most happily married of the group. They have newborn twins, and in one scene with all the moms commiserating about how hard babies are, it comes to light that Daniel is the only father in the group that actually helps with the babies during the night! Good for them. But leave it to Jax Taylor and his new friends to set the bar just as low as Jax Taylor and his old friends.
Then there’s Jesse and Michelle, the couple who insists they do not live in the Valley and instead live in a house that screams ambition. Jesse touches Kristen’s nipples without consent in the first episode, and these two are also already headed to separation. Mess all around.
Janet and Jason are currently expecting their first child. Janet is connected to the group through Scheana, who makes a nice little cameo with Lala for Janet’s birthday party in the first episode.
Zack and Jasmine, who are the singles of the group, are clearly going to be the shade throwing peanut gallery. It’s like Paige DeSorbo’s role on Summer House. Every show needs them, and thus far these two are doing a great job.
And last but not least, there’s Luke, Kristen’s new boyfriend. He is by far the hottest guy Kristen has ever dated, and we love that for her, even if his life is mostly in Colorado. He seems in way over his head with this group, so it will be very interesting to see how that plays out over the season.
Jax and Luke don’t get along, and Jax is having a great time stirring shit up, as per usual. In the first episode he repeatedly asks, at several different events, why they’re trying to have kids out of wedlock (I really hate this term but this is what they use so this is what I’m using). He brings it up to every single person who would listen to him at a birthday party. Jax truly has not changed, but it will make for an interesting storyline. Personally, I’m rooting for Kristen to crush him like a bug.
Have I convinced you yet? If you are a fan of Vanderpump Rules and have not yet started watching The Valley, run straight to Peacock and start today. This show is a hot mess, all of these people are disasters, and isn’t that what we all love to see? The Valley is absolutely worth the watch, and I can’t wait to watch the rest of the drama unfold this season.
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