The Nora Theory

If this season of Summer House has taught us anything, it’s to stop dating people you do not actually like. It is truly that simple. If you don’t fundamentally like your partner, how they live their life, and enjoy their company, break the fuck up.

Carl and Lindsay’s relationship is obviously the easiest example here. They liked the idea of a relationship, of the friends-to-lovers story, of settling down and building a life. All noble pursuits. Except for the small detail that they visibly can’t stand each other. Every time one of them says pretty much anything, the other one is annoyed. Their smiles are forced. Their cast mates refer to the start of the weekend between the two of them as “Friday Night Fight Nights”.

Hear me out, being alone is better than being with someone who can’t stand your presence. Carl calling off that engagement was the best thing for both of them. It’s hard and embarrassing, especially in the public eye, but it will be better in the long run.

And then there’s Amanda and Kyle. Look, I am rooting for these two, I am. Their issues are less egregious than Carl and Lindsay’s certainly. They might have a shot. But they are fundamentally different people with fundamentally different values, which in itself is fine, but they seem to have little respect for how the other one wants to conduct their lives.

Kyle comes home at 4 am and Amanda hates it. Amanda just wants to stay home and cuddle with their dogs (relatable) and Kyle seems to deeply resent her lack of ambition. The result is a lot of mess. These are issues they probably should have sorted out before they got married, but also, just an idea, maybe build relationships with people who have the same ideas about these things? Or at least have an understanding of the value of living life in these different ways. The good news for these two is that they can look at each other and smile, and touch each other without cringing. It’s a very good start.

These reality TV couples are perhaps suffering from the sunken cost fallacy, the idea that they have put so much time into a relationship so they need to make it work now no matter the cost to avoid starting over again. It’s something I see often with various friends in real life, and seems especially true for Lindsay.

Or maybe, like all of us deep down, they just want to love and be loved and are trying against all odds to find that, even if it might be in the wrong place.

Not every love can be that romance novel perfection, but it should be more like this than anything else. If you can see any piece of your partner in your favorite book boyfriend (or rom-com hero, or whatever), then you ought to consider a new partner. Stop dating people you don’t like. Or you will end up like an episode of Summer House without the Bravo paycheck.